It is hard to find just one moment that changes a life. I find so often that it is the
collaboration of many small instances that culminate into the biggest changes. People are
ever-changing, constantly shifting and re-becoming themselves based on the world and actions
around them. To say there was one defining event in my experience of Morocco would be to
dismiss the multitude of infinitesimal changes that have shifted me from who I was when I left to
who I am now.
I could mention that I had Covid-19 again, the second time this year and that it pushed my
physical health back into the gutter. Stairs were an issue again, I was dizzy every time I stood up,
and my iron levels were decreasing quicker than ever. I felt weak, inadequate, and exhausted. I
was falling behind due to health again, and there was no solution. I was simply going to have to
deal with it and what it would do to my body.
I could talk about making friends and meeting new people, having experiences I could
never have dreamt about otherwise. Late-night card games, inside jokes that last for months on
end, group pictures in brand new places, and a sense of comfort in knowing people enjoyed my
company. I could talk about how I never wanted to trust other people but somehow, this
mismatched group made me feel like I could.
I could say that being chronically sick and missing a good portion of events made me
insecure, and I feel outside of my friend group. Having been left behind in Chefchaouen based
on the assumption I wouldn’t be able to walk around, asking for updates in Marrakesh because I
had to stay at the hotel while ill and not receiving any. These are all moments that changed me
and my perception of the world, as well as my interactions with those around me. I grew up
insecure and hardly attached to anyone, and to be left behind so quickly hammered that fear back
into me.
To distill months of living and growing into one moment of change is inadequate. It will
never encapsulate the range of emotion, the highs and lows that come with human existence. To
be here, to be part of a group, to be sick, to be left behind, to be in the know, to be a person
among new people in a new place are all states of being and moments in time I could pull out
and weave a tale of significance from, but none are more important than the others. They are all
equally me, equally influential in how I have changed from the beginning of the semester til now.
I am not saying there are no bigger moments than others, but to favor one out of them all
cheapens the impact of the rest. This time abroad has done so much for me as a person and
changed me deeply in many ways that I will not even be able to begin to process until I am home
and out of the thick of it.